The essence of stillness and quiet seems like nothing than less than a pure luxury these days.
Honestly, these days I seem to only get this quiet 20,000 feet in the air between Sante Fe and Grand Junction. I have less than two hours until I land in LA. That's when all the chaos will begin.
At times I feel like I'm going to loose my sanity, and since giving up drinking the only thing I have left to loose is my mind.
I'm okay with that... as long as it's not my ambition.
But like the saying goes. Don't complain about a full plate if you asked to eat.
That is what I'm doing, eating. I'm shooting ALL the time. Working with incredible boudoir clients and shooting in the style I finally like.
I still have a full-time job. I get up at 6AM (okay, I lie, more like 7AM), get ready for work, walk my dog, shower, rush out the house because nine out of ten times I'm already late. Rush to work. Work until 5. Talk on the phone on the hour long trek back home. Play with the dog. Eat. By this time it's 7PM and I'm working until 1 to 2 AM in the morning on my passion.
Sometimes I feel like I'm walking aimlessly through the dark.
Well, if I'm too be honest, I feel like that all the time.
Photography is the only thing that brings me happiness. Well, not the only thing. The pure childish innocence of my niece and nephews' laughs are way up there. Okay, it's number one but photography is a close number two.
In such a chaotic world I feel like it's the only thing I control.
I have learned so much about photography this year. The biggest lesson is that I'm the director on set. While everyone can give me their opinion, wants, and desires ultimately it's my eye that decides what goes into the final product.
Let me tell you at first, it was REALLY hard for me. When I work I feel like it should be more of a collaborative effort, but the more I shoot the more I learn that I have to be more assertive about what works and what doesn't. I HAVE to have a critical eye. I work with styling, hair, and makeup... and I have learned so much about the team and people that I work with.
I used to fear that if I asked them to change anything they would be upset. But they soon learned, just like me... it's not that the work is bad, it just doesn't match the vision. The more I started to work with people the more our styles began to collide and the magic begins to happen.
I have become closer with so many amazing people. It's so hard and rare to find in a world people who work as hard as you. Let's be honest, busy doesn't mean hard working it means that your time has been occupied with something. Right now I'm working with artist, fashion creators, videographers, hair stylist, makeup, stylist, and models. All these people are artist because they create something from nothing and spread happiness, love, and beauty.
I mean, when you get a haircut and everyone starts complimenting you it's because of the eye and hard work of your hairstylist. Or when another woman comes up to you and compliments you on how beautiful your eyes look against your fiercely beat fact that came from the makeup artist.
Art changes you on a mental and emotional level.
It's been such an honor to speak to so many women who have thanked me for turning them into art. They get to look back at their photos and feel inspired, they feel happy, they cry, and they share with me the feeling of finally FEELING beautiful.
This is what art creates. Art evokes an emotional connection that shapes you in some form.
Which brings me to why I love boudoir. Why I'm okay with only five hours of sleep each night? While I feel as though what I'm going through is not a sacrifice but more so an initiation of what to expect when I begin to do this full time.
I want to create an art that speaks to women all over the world.
I want to show the world that a woman needs no permission to be intelligent, sensual, powerful, and sexy. We are designed that way by nature. Why must we be scared of that? Why must we be ashamed? Why do we allow society to define what a "lady" is? Why does sexy only look one certain way?
I can say without a shadow of a doubt all that is changing.
Change isn't coming. Change is here. What are seeing are the masses finally getting it.
Today I take a vow that I will give myself at least seven hours of quiet time a week. Which in turn will allow me to connect with you guys more and more.
I can see in my soul that nothing but good things are going to happen from this.
Let's consider this a Happy New Year for the brand.