Love is the Only Gold

Alfred Lord Tennyson wasn’t wrong when he said that love is the only gold.  Love is something we all aspire to have.  Love is what drives us.  Not only love in the emotional sense, but love in the physical and mental sense was well.  

In history we see over and over again that the travelers, pirates, and conquistadors all travelled for one thing, gold.  They wanted that gold because that felt that metal would make them rich, powerful, and influential.  However, at the root of all that they really wanted to feel loved by the people.

That’s what it all comes down to.  These goals, aspirations, dreams, and desires.  We do this for the ultimate intangible gift of love.  

People like to forget how powerful love is.  Love just isn’t a physical thing.  It’s mental and electromagnetic.  There is an unforgettable energy that we feel when we fall in love with our opposite.  It’s an unexplainable power that two people can feel.  You can feel this love in from your fingers all the way through to your soul.  You can feel it in the way you kiss and hold someone.  

Love isn’t a feeling of emptiness.  Love is full, it’s warm, it’s comforting, and it is honest.  

Lets not limit this to people.  This also go towards passions as well.  Since I was 10 I loved the camera.  All I wanted for Christmas was a disposable camera so I could take pictures.  I wanted to capture the moment of everything.  

That feeling never left.  

The feeling of love never leaves.

We can never truly successfully unlove a person or a passion.

We can push it off and place it in a corner where we pretend to forget about it, but we can't unlove it.

If you can, then I have to guess that you never loved that person or had that passion  in the first place.  

In human nature love has always been the goal.  Even if we don’t like to admit it.  Love fills us with validity.  Love inspires us.  Love gives us confidence.  Love is the true power.  Love is the true gold.

A year ago, on July 31st, 2014 I lost my grandmother.  She was love.  I implore everyone to reach out to your love ones, no matter how bad the situation is,  and just tell them you love them.  Send the roses while they can still smell them.

Happy Monday Y’all,

Korin

7 Effective Ways to Stop Being a Hater

Don’t lie to yourself.  At some point in all our lives we have hated on someone else  for absolutely no reason.  Well, we had a reason.  We felt that the person was better in (insert given interest here).  Because we saw that person having more success we began to hate on them.  We hate because we are jealous over what they have because we think we deserve it more.  

I’m here to tell you...

Just get over it!  Stop being a hater. Stop wasting away the precious seconds of your life by taking the time to hate on someone else’s life.  You have no idea what it took for that person to get there. Even if you think you do being bitter doesn’t do anything for you anyway.  You are wasting good time and energy but choosing to hate one someone else. This takes away what you could be doing to get better.

Today I give you 7 ways to stop being a hater and begin getting better.

1. Take Workshops:  

You want to get better at something?  Take classes from people who are better at it than you.  Think you have a great business but no one is seeing your work? Take a marketing class.  You’re not the best runner?  Join a runner’s class.  Taking workshops are beneficial to you for many reasons.  

One, you can meet people who may have gone through the sames issues as you.  Taking a workshop allows you to have the opportunity to bounce idea off each person to see what’s working and what isn’t working.  The leader of the group may serve to be a great mentor for you.  It’s great to have someone that is a veteran in the field that you can go to for guidance and direction.  

Second, workshops are great for networking.  Going to a workshop puts you around like minded people who may have the same goals as you.  Let me tell you from firsthand experience that being around people who share the same goals as you is very enlightening and liberating.  You feel as though you have found your tribe.  

   2. Watch YouTube  

Can’t afford a workshop just yet?  Well, check out youtube.  You can find just about ANYTHING on YouTube.  Everyone has tutorials on anything that you are looking to learn.  The world is different now.   The internet has been the one thing that really connects people around the world.  Youtube can be used as virtual classroom.  There are so many people on YouTube who want to teach.  And just about everyone has access to smartphones. There is literally no excuse why you can't get on YouTube and use that as a resource to hone your craft.  Many YouTubers are really nice and approachable so don’t be scared to reach out to them.

   3. Get a Mentor:

 I know I touched a bit on this in point one, but getting a mentor is not a mute point.  Finding a mentor may be a slow and hard process, but it’s great to have a confidant you can approach and get their valued opinions on issues in your field of interest..  Mentors have the potential to be lifelong friends.  They also come with their one set of contacts and networking groups that you can be apart of .  

Let me tell you, the second most important thing to have in business is a good set of people you can network with.  The first?  A good product, idea, or service.  Forbes has an outstanding article on why having a mentor is the best investment you can make for your brand.

4. Practice Everyday

  Listen, you want to be the best in your field?  You have to practice at it everyday.  The people who are truly successful at what they do fully emerge themselves in their interest  They find ways to prioritize their dreams and goals.  For me I HAVE to shoot all the time.  When I’m not shooting I feel like I’m having withdrawals.  Also, I’m subscribed to a ton of magazine.  I study magazine ads and editorials by looking for trends and studying lighting.  I also use Facebook as a resource.  Personally, I like a bunch of groups that deal with boudoir and photography.  I read blog after blog several times a week to get better at what I do.  I have to see what people are doing and how I can be that much better than them.  In fact, I  shoot with friends over and over again so I can test out different ideas, techniques, and editing styles.  Photography and boudoir are my life.  This is what I’m into.

 You have to be FULLY and I mean FULLY commit to whatever your craft is.  To do that you MUST practice this 8 days a week.  What do you mean there are only 7 days in a week? I say this because when it comes to perfection of what you do there are no days off.

5. Make A Goal or a Challenge

The best thing you can is challenge yourself to get better. For example, I knew I was struggling with the fitness thing.  I have a full time job and I do the photography full time.  I began to notice that my dog and I were both packing on the pounds… but I just let it go excusing my lack of exercise on having no time.  Then one night I  read an Instagram post from one of my favorite Dallas personal trainers that changed my outlook.  Ngata Fitness always  gives Instagram followers background information up of the people he trains.  He does this because he wants to prove that no one should have an excuse for being lazy and not live a full life.  

One of his clients is a  lady who is a mother of of 5 who works two jobs AND still has the time to go to school full time pursuing bachelor's degree.  If that wasn’t enough on her plate she was still able to find 90 minutes in her day to work out.  Yes, she looks amazing.  So honestly… what’s my excuse?  That’s why for the next 100 days I challenged myself to walk at least 1 mile. I know, that doesn’t sound like a whole lot… but it’s a lot better what I was doing before, not a dayum thing.  

To to do this challenge I had to find ways to prioritize everything in my life.  I’m not trying to be the best runner in the world.  I just need  to make sure I am running so I can foster a healthy lifestyle.  In fact, if you want please join me on the 100 day challenge click HERE!

6. Separate Yourself from the Self Doubt 

Even the best of us fall victim to that voice of self doubt in our head.  Self doubt is the biggest dream killer since the dawn of time.  However, we have to remember a couple of things in order to conquer self doubt.  

One, a lot of people give up on their dreams because “It will take too long” and they feel like they are going to fail.  Listen, the time will pass anyway.  Why don’t you do something that's going to help build a beautiful more peaceful life for yourself?  Why waste time doubting yourself?  Sometime the first thing you have to do is just jump in feet first.  

Two, don’t place hurtles up before you even start the race. Listen, the race is not going to be easy, but let other people put up roadblocks.  Don’t put the roadblocks up yourself.  Doubting yourself is a form of self sabotage. If you are really serious about your goals then you need to let go of that voice in your head and push full steam ahead.

7. Never Become Complacent

 YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! in my Nicki Minaj voice! NEVER become complacent with yourself.  A big part of being a hater is seeing someone doing something different and innovative while you lag behind because your still doing the same ole thing.  Being flexible and embracing change will help you to become more innovative in your style and approach.  Elite Daily had a great article on why complacency will ruin your life.

What do We Do when We have Our Own Hater?

As a bonus I have to include one of my favorite stand up bits by comedian Katt Williams.  It’s about haters.   Katt Williams lets us know that we should not be distracted or intimidated by our haters we need to own them.

In the End...

I know this article was super long, but I hope these 7 ways helped you figure out how to stop being bitter and gave you ideas on how to get better. Please don’t waste your time hating on the next person.  In fact, do yourself a favor by congratulating them on a job well done.   Study the moves they made an then figure out how to do it better. Fuck being bitter.  Bitter doesn't make you smarter, faster, or more popular.  However, getting better does.  

I know this was a long one, but I have a CONTEST connected to this post.  I’m the comments below please let me know which point you liked the most or let me know a point I may have missed.  The winner will get a free $50 gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret!  Contest ending July 31st at 11:59AM.

It Cost Nothing to be Kind

“It cost nothing to be kind.” This isn’t the exact quote from my favorite Dallas makeup artist, Jazzy Baptiste, but I got the gist of it.  I forgot our exact conversation, but it did center around the fact if ever in a situation if you have a choice to be mean or kind, just be kind.

It really cost nothing to be kind to people.  To smile, go the extra mile, or just help some out in their time of need may mean more to that person than you will ever know.  When things don’t go our way sometimes our default it to get defensive and ugly, but we need to practice seeing it from the other person’s side. We don’t know what’s going on in that person’s life.  

For example, where I live the leasing office is supposed to be open extended hours on Thursdays.  The office will close at 7PM on Thursdays where as every other day the office closes at 6PM.  Being open extended hours allows people to come in an speak with the office staff about anything.

During the week it takes me about an hour to get home, and most of the time I can’t get home at 7PM.  Well, the last couple of Thursdays I rearranged my work schedule in order to leave in enough time to make it to the leasing office. Of course when I get there at 6:15PM the leasing office is closed.

That Friday I called the leasing office and asked why the office wasn’t open until 7PM.  I needed to get parking passes, but since the office wasn’t open I couldn’t pick any up for my guest.  The leasing agent understood and offered to write the passes and place them in my apartment.  I was nice about it.  She offered a solution that did not require me to do any extra work on my behalf.  When I arrived home that evening I had two parking passes for my guest.  

Turns out the office was closed at 6PM because they were running on a skeleton crew.  There was only the office manager and one leasing agent.  They were working 7 days a week for  9 hours a day.  That’s 63 hours a week.  Which means 23 hours of overtime a week.  To work 63 hours a week and go to school full time is  a lot of work.  She said there was so much drama behind it, but now they have one more person in the office and things could get back to normal again.  

As a person who went to school full time and worked two jobs while doing it  I could feel her pain. I understand how tiring a schedule like that can be on a person.  Yes, I was irritated about leaving work early twice a in two weeks, but how was I wronged? By getting home early and having time to play with my dog?  She was working 23 hours of overtime a week.  I couldn’t be mad at that.

Many times being kind grants you a ton more access than being rude and evil.  Last year when I went to visit my sick grandmother in Ohio I flew into Port Columbus International Airport.  From Columbus I still needed to drive to Dayton and Cincinnati to see family so renting a car was a must.  

As I checked in to pick up my car I saw the agent wasn’t having the best of days.  In fact he had a bit of an attitude at first.  Working customer service can wear on the best of people so I changed my attitude to be positive as well.  After he saw that I was super nice too him and even stayed and spoke to him a bit he upgraded me for free in a 2015 white Mustang Convertible!  Just because I was being kind to him.  Let me tell you.  Don’t expect things from people just for being kind.  You need to be genuinely kind from your heart.  A kindness that radiates the room when you walk in.  People should feel super comfortable around you.  When you are genuinely kind great things start to happen to you in your life.  When you are nice from the inside out you will notice that people will begin to treat you nicer.

Don’t be offended if someone does not treat you well.  Sometimes you can be so kind to people and they still don't get it.  Remember that we don’t know the whole story of that person’s day.  Yes, I do get it. You didn’t make this person mad and they shouldn’t take it out on you.  While you are 100% right you have to remember that people are humans and we are ruled by our emotional state.  While that person may be rude to you just think that we don't know exactly what happened to this person that day so return the meanness with kindness.  Don’t act condescending with it.  Be genuinely nice and happy in conversation.  You will see that people will begin to change their tone to you and towards you.  

Who knows… your kindness might change that person’s day and outlook.

Remember, it cost nothing to just be kind.  

The Best Proof of Love is Trust

Lets be honest.  If you really loved him you wouldn’t be stalking his Instagram likes, Facebook feed, or DMs.  You wouldn’t be plotting how to break into his phone.  You wouldn’t be plotting drive by to his place at midnight.  You wouldn’t have a need to do any of that if you really loved him.

Why do I say you don’t love him? In order to love someone you have to be able to trust them.  If you are really concerned about this person hurting you then chances are he will.  If he has no intention of hurting you but you keep creeping through his DM then you need to let him go because you don't trust him. 

Life is ways too dayum short to be wasted on worrying about what the next persons is doing.  If you are that worried about him messing with your heart or playing mind games with you then talk to him.  Don’t stalk him.  If you are too scared to have a conversation like this with him then you need to let him go.  

COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL TO A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

What’s the point of being in a relationship with a person you feel you can’t communicate with?  Are you that scared of his reaction that it stops you from living your life?  Communication is key to a healthy relationship so if you don’t have that then you don’t have anything at all.  

To be able to communicate efficiently means you are able to trust the person with what you say and how you mean it.  This works two ways.  Not just you to him… how you react to him as well.  

KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I know way too many women who go back to men who have lied and cheated with them.  They go in and out of this relationship with the person with the same gripes they had the first, second, and third time. This is after they finally sit down and have a conversation about their needs and the person still never changes and she still never walks away.  

That’s why things don’t ever change, because you are too scared to walk away.  I don’t mean physically walk way.  I mean walk away from the drama, the life, the broken promises, the faux “I-Love-You.”  Walking away from him and all the drama he brings to the table will bring you a sense of peace.

Many times men will keep coming back to you after a breakup because he knows you will take him back. You keep taking the bait because after a day, a week, a month because you are tired of being alone or frightened that you won’t find anyone else.

CONTROL YOUR INSECURITIES

Hello ladies. These are your own insecurities getting the best of you.

That’s what it all comes back down to.  Your insecurities.  Your need.  Your want.  Your desires.  YOU!

Yet, you will keep allowing yourself to stay in a web of lies, deceit, and fairytales just to have a warm body next to you for a limited amount of hours before the whole process happens over again.  

Yet, we as women have a tendency to not take accountability for our roll in these volatile relationships.  Yes, he shouldn’t be cheating or lying.  However, when you come back to him over and over and over again do you really think he cares about your feelings?  No.  He is now at this point where he knows you, and knows that you will always be the backup plan for him.  

Yet… you still go into his phone, stalk his social media, or even drive by his place to see he’s there or not.

Is this how you really want to live your life?

Girl, gas is expensive!

Ask yourself.  What are you getting out of a relationship like this?  Ah!  I know! You’re hoping he will change… for you.  Honey, let me be perfectly honest.  Humans can be very selfish creatures by nature.  The only reason he’s going to change is for himself.  

HAVE AN HONEST CONVERSATION WITH YOURSELF

You want him to take you seriously?  How about really walking away.  Not answering the phone. Blocking him on all social media.  Not giving into the calls and text messages.  During this time you really need to be honest with yourself. Why do you keep this person around?  Why do you feel like this?  Why can't you trust him?  

If you can’t trust him.  Then you don’t love him.  You really should let him go.  Find someone who doesn't make you question them in the least bit.  

Without trust there is no relationship.

Without  trust there is no love.  

I Need You because I Love You

Love is an incredible power. 

When growing in love I feel as though there are two stages, immature love and mature love. 

My favorite love quote of all time is from Erich Fromm who states, “I’m immature loves say I love you because I need you.  Mature loves says I need you because I love you.”

Let that sink in for a moment. 

There will be people in your life that will come in for the simple fact that they need you.  However they mistake that need for love.  They love you because of what you can do for them.  Rather if it’s financial, emotional, or physical some people will just use you with the false idea that it’s love. 

No.  That’s not love. 

Love won’t use you. Love won’t take advantage of you.

Love won’t take you for granted.

Love isn’t a word that you throw around to get someone to do what you want.  Love is an emotion that someone should use when the thought of you not being there is too much of a pain to bear.  When you can’t fall asleep without that person touching you.  Or no matter how much you visit and talk to each other you still get that same excitement when you see that person every day. 

Love is about supporting each other, being each other’s cheerleader, and being that persons mirror when the rest of the world will lie to you.

Mature love is kisses on the forehead when your partner thinks you’re asleep.  Or random emails during the day letting them know how much you miss them. 

Mature love is being there when that person needs you the most and you never see it as an inconvenience to you. 

Immature love only sees what they get out of it with very little to no consideration for the other person.  Immature loves is selfish… and in fact I would dare to argue that I wouldn’t consider it love. 

Love is very selfless. 

Today, I challenge you to email, text, or better yet, write a handwritten note to the person you love and placing to somewhere they will see…. Laptop, steering wheel, or next to his kids and let him or her know how much you mean to him.

Have the Happiest of Monday’s Y’all!

Your Heartbeat Plays My Favorite Song, 11 Best Love Songs

Guys, if you really your lady to swoon for you then tell her this line.  I would just MELT if a man said this to me… I mean if I didn’t already know that Lil Wayne had said it first.

Today won’t be a super long post, but it will be fun.  I wanted to give you guys my top 11 favorite love songs of all time.  Why 11?  Eleven is my favorite number.  Make sure you guys click the titles of each song to listen to the tracks. I swear you will not be disappointed.

11 Best Love Songs

1.      Erykah Badu & Stephen Marley – In Love with You

2.      Maxwell – Fortunate

3.      112 – Cupid

4.      Minnie Rudolph - Loving You

5.      Janet Jackson – Anytime Anyplace

6.      Janet Jackson – Again

7.      Method Man & Mary J Blige– You’re All I Need

8.      H-Town – Knockin' the Boots

9.      Soul IV Real – Candy Rain

10.   Eagles – Hotel California

11.   Miguel – Sure Thing

In the comments sections please let me know what loves songs I should add to my playlist.





 

Invest in People who Invest in You

The most important investment you can make is yourself.  However, for one to be successful you also have to diversify your portfolio.  This is why God blessed us with friends. 

Developing a friendship is a major investment.   The currency you are trading for this investment is your time.  Unlike money time is something you can never get back.  This is why it’s extremely important to be very selective about who you refer to as your friend. 

A great friend will not only cry with you when you’re sad but they will toast you in your accomplishments. If your friend can’t be there with you during all four seasons it may be time to really reevaluate who your friends are. 

I have heard stories over stories about people who were the Kings of the hill. They had money, success, and a name in the scene.   They were always flossing.  Purchasing the most expensive cars, the latest trends in fashion, and constantly throwing epic house parties to just be seen.  However, once these people fell on hard times and the money was gone, the parties stopped, and the drinks stop flowing their “friends” also disappeared. 

I can’t even imagine how devastating a feeling like that is. 

However, the one element all these people have in common when things went south is that they never made genuine connections with these people in the first place.  They did not invest in their personal time to develop these relationships therefore this is why they had no one left in their corner with them. 

Sometimes it just takes a hard and cold season in your life to help you see clearly who your friends are.  However, during that time of reflection you have to be honest with yourself.  Did you really make the effort in getting to know them? Did you listen?  Or did you take them for granted? 

You want to invest in people who invest in you.   In order for that investment to grow you must also invest in them as well.

In the comment below let me know how you invest in your friendships.

Finding real friends is a true investment of your time, but once you have them you really have  them. Don’t take someone’s friendship for granted.  This investment works both ways.